Hey, you should check out the new BMC blog at:
http://www.bmclgbt.org/blog
We hope to get some good discussion going on it among Brethren/Mennonite-associated young queer folks. I’ve yet to post on it, actually, because I just got back from a nice trip (involving Rome and Paris) but hopefully it will be getting more lively pretty soon.

Have you found a church where you can fellowship without fear? How has your view of Mennonites or Christians in general changed through your experiences?

Coming to terms with being gay has been very emotional for me. I also grew up as a GMB. It’s extremely interesting– the feeling I get when I think about the fact that I am no longer welcome in my home church because I have accepted myself more fully for who I am. angry, sad, incredulous?

still– i’m grateful and overwhelmed for this chance to be more authentic.

Jason: I think that’s a critical question for privileged people to reflect on (how oppression diminishes our lives). I won’t even try to touch on all the areas you mentioned, but one that’s been a big part of my experience living here at Pine Ridge is how oppression just makes it so damn HARD to build real friendships across the gap. There are so many ways it can go wrong, and the path to mutual trust is narrow and treacherous.

If I enter into relationship blithely unaware of my privilege, I force the other to choose between the hard work of educating me in areas where I may have major denial or the hard work of stuffing their real experience of oppression where it won’t surface to bother me.

If I am aware of my privilege, I have to navigate the pitfalls of excessive guilt leading to stiffness, awkwardness, and paralysis, or of the relationship primarily becoming about “my issues”, or a host of other things.

Trust in the relationship can be so easily held hostage to the other person wondering “is this guy just here because he feels sorry for me?” or me wondering “is this person just here because they’re hoping to get something from me?” As long as the external situation of power imbalance / oppression remains, I don’t think these dynamics can ever totally go away in a friendship.

I know from personal experience how agonizing this is, so I know the temptation (from the privileged side) to throw it all out as “paralysis by analysis” or “making love too complicated”. But wishing doesn’t make it go away. The complexity and difficulty are real.

I hope this hasn’t taken a good thread too far off track!

Specifically, it’s easier for me to be complacent about homophobia, racism, sexism and the like when I let myself forget the way these diminish me too. I may have missed some earlier posts related to this, but do any of you all have insights to share about the way oppression diminishes your daily life, church life, or congregation?

“Here’s what I think white people need emotionally: Less fear, less abstract guilt, more anger. Less fear of ourselves and more risk-taking. Less guilt about things we didn’t do or can’t change and more action about the things we did and can change. More righteous anger. Not self-righteousness, but righteous anger rooted in a commitment to justice, the kind of anger that helps us shed our fears and let go of our unproductive guilt. The kind of anger that can help us find our place and our voice in social movements seeking justice. The kind of anger that comes from desperation when we realize how powerful an oppressive system is, how deep are the injuries it causes, how destructive it is to everyone’s lives including the privileged. The older I get, the angrier I get. People keep telling me that I need to mellow out, find a way to deal with my anger. I have a way to deal with it: I let it out, strategically (I hope).”

While its important to reconnect with God when we feel angry, I think its also important not to move past the feelings too quickly. If we do that we risk falling into the trap of passive aggressiveness and suppressing our anger. Instead I think Jesus invites us to look at our anger as an opportunity to look deeper at ourselves and examine the relationship or situation that brought these feelings to the surface. Charletta sometimes says that anger is an opportunity to find the wound inside ourselves.

Hate has no place in God’s kingdom, but getting rid of it isn’t easy. Most especially when we find it in ourselves.

Did you see the question in QBank (OL1294) that began: “A 39-year -old black man presents with complaints of anorexia, malaise, fatigue, dark urine and upper abdominal discomfort. He admits to homosexuality, [my emphasis] but denies blood transfusions, alcohol intake or intravenous drug abuse.” (The question was about the window period of acute Hep B infection).

It’s funny, I’ve never heard of anyone “admitting” to heterosexuality. I thought physicians are supposed to be examples of tolerance and compassion (regardless of their religious and moral convictions)?

TimN, have you ever played squash? I haven’t, but I hear it’s more of a challenge than racquetball (I’m not yet that experienced with racquetball, so it’s still a workout for me, but not for most of my opponents).

Hmm… now I’m scared to play you at racquetball Tim ;) But I’ll chant and protest with you any day.

Thanks to both of you for sharing honestly about dealing with anger. I’ll mull on this one for a while before responding further.

Anyway, have you read Walter Wink’s book Engaging the Powers (Fortress 1994)? In one of the later chapters he talks about coming to grips with his own violence and part of that was through looking at the content of some of his dreams over a period of time. I don’t have all the details straight, but perhaps when I’m home near a copy of the book I can see if there are any good quotes or things I’m forgetting.

On a more personal note, I’ve known myself to have some anger lurking below the surface for some time now. I used to be able to let it out on the farm (where I grew up); there was hardly anyone around there. I don’t think I really ever had anything all that serious to be angry about then, but now since I’m around people a whole lot more, I’ve repressed my temper a lot. Occasionally my anger will come out while driving (not a good idea) - either when I screw up and make a wrong turn, or when someone else is driving like an idiot around me. This anger is mostly related to being impatient with myself and others.

Sometimes, and I feel more justified in this anger, I’ll feel it boil up inside me when I think/hear/read about injustice/abuse/corruption occurring today by someone with power. Although I think it’s right (healthy) to be angry about those things, I have to ask myself - what is it that makes me so angry about it? Am I looking for a scapegoat - someone to pin the blame to? Is it a defensive self-righteous anger?

I also remember from time to time getting pretty angry at my dad over the past year or so. We’ve had numerous discussions and arguments about my brother’s decision to be more openly gay (i.e. to not be married to my sister-in-law anymore - a long and generally very positive story of a journey from being gay but married to openly gay). I was angry that “calling sin sin” was more important than listening to and loving (or making his love apparent to) his son. I was also angry because I felt his approval of me slipping to some extent as the differences in our beliefs were being exposed. Anger/rage didn’t do much good there - it just made listening to each other that much more difficult.

This has gotten longer than I had originally planned and, like you, I have some studying to do on this gorgeous day. Talk about something to make a person angry!