Owning women you’ve never met.

I have a confession to make: I’ve never looked at porn. Okay, that’s a lie. But here’s the truth…….I’ve never sought out porn. Ever. Sure, there have been times in High School when a guy flipped me a rag, or in college when I went to a party and some guys were watching porn. And, like the rest of the 21st century world, I’ve accidently googled it from time to time. But I’ve never bought it, rented it, or pay-per-viewed it.

When I admit this fact about myself I get asked “Don’t you like it?”, “Are you not into chicks?”, “What’s the deal?”. Honestly, I never thought porn was good thing. I became a Christian at 19 so I had plenty of heathen years to look at this shit but I never thought it was right. Yeah, I’d probably like it. I’d probably like crack too.

I consider myself lucky. I’ve never met a guy who is in my position; who by 28 has been so “clean” of the stuff. Women might not know it, and maybe I’m letting the cat out of the bag here, but nearly all guys, universally, look at porn. Sorry to blow your cover fellas.

Anyway, an old Pastor of mine moved out to Arizona a couple years ago to start yet another church. He met this girl who used to be a very successful porn star. She comes to his church and is very vocal about her past. I’d post her myspace and what-have-you but I don’t feel like it’d be appropiate. So my old Pastor likes to make movies and they thought it’d be cool to make sort of an “inspired on a true story” type flick about this girl. They posted a “making of” online.

What got me, what really shocked me, were the negative responses people placed in the comments section. Not stuff like “Christian movies are dumb” or “The acting is so bad” or anything like that. No, what happened was nothing short of a full-fledged personal attack on Chrissy with some very vulgar things said. It seems to me that the online porn community found out about Chrissy’s little indie-movie and decided to wage war against her.

Maybe I’m wrong, I hope so.

The types of things said reminded me of something you’d say in a drunken rage after finding out that your girlfriend slept with your best friend. It seems as though that since Chrissy is unwilling to do porn anymore her fans feel like she is cheating on them. Now she is a “whore” that still likes “cock”. Funny how once a girl leaves the porn industry she becomes a “whore”. Funny how it seems like some of these fellas are genuinely jealous of a girl who won”t take off her clothes in videos anymore.

It seems that modern thought has left us in a bit of a quandry. On the one hand women wanted equality, a fine and fair thing to want. But with that sexual equality. This meant that women, at least some of them, wanted to become as sexual as men. Probably to the detriment of both genders this has happened to a large degree. Women though were left perplexed, how can you overcome male oppression by giving men more sex? And is a woman expressing her sexual side through a pornographic magazine a blow to or for women’s rights?

The problem that I see is that such a thing is not “for” anyone. Men seem to objectify women more so than usual and women seem hurt, not edified, through this “sexual revolution”. Call me crazy, but these guys who saw Chrissy’s videos seemed to think that she was theirs. And Chrissy, probably at the time, thought she expressing herself through her sexuality. The whole thing appears to be a lie to everyone.

Well, I guess that’s it. I’ll be beating my wife and reading Guns and Ammo if you need me.

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16 Responses to “Owning women you’ve never met.”

  1. Daniel Says:

    I’m very jealous of you soma, I wish I had never seen any of it.
    It is pretty crazy the response they have gotten on that movie stuff. I hope it inspires all of us to be in prayer about the movie as it could be pretty powerful.

  2. lukelm Says:

    Interesting insight into the dynamics of pornography, that the fantasy of fully dominating a woman sexually aroused by seeing her as a sexual object gets translated into real-life (verbal) violence against that woman even when she’s made it clear that she no longer is in that role.

    I’m not sure you’re right about a woman’s role in the porn industry being typical of what the sexual revolution of the last century tried to gain for women. The point of that revolution was for women to reclaim ownership over their own sexuality and express it and use it in ways that they wanted, rather than to have women’s sexuality be a possession of men. It wasn’t about “being as sexual as men.” It was about an individual being as sexual as she wanted to be in the way/s she wanted to be. It wasn’t about giving men anything really. Attempting to gain power in a male-dominated world through giving them sex is a truly ancient pattern that has been present through all of history. Understanding one’s sexuality as an expression of one’s own desires and needs rather than someone else’s was what was new with feminism and the sexual revolution.

  3. Melissa Green Says:

    I’m not sure it’s so much because she’s not doing porn anymore, or if it’s because she is now a Christian and is exposing porn for the evil that it is. People like to project their lack of morals onto other people, and pop culture portrays Christians as nothing but a bunch of hypocrites. They discount the idea of this woman being a new creation in Christ out of hand, and their comments reflect that.

  4. somasoul Says:

    “I’m very jealous of you soma, I wish I had never seen any of it.”

    I hear this alot too from guys. Yeah, I guess I’m lucky or something that porn has never been an issue for me. Then again I have other issues. Like being me, for example.

    “Interesting insight into the dynamics of pornography, that the fantasy of fully dominating a woman sexually aroused by seeing her as a sexual object gets translated into real-life (verbal) violence against that woman even when she’s made it clear that she no longer is in that role.”

    Absolutly, Luke. I wonder how this manifests itself toward other groups. Do you think that the same reasoning we would use to objectify these women is the same we use to commit violence against groups of people? In other words, we say to ourselves: “Let’s use these-people/this-person to meet our needs/satisfy our desires/quench our hate.”

    “pop culture portrays Christians as nothing but a bunch of hypocrites.”

    But we are. But so is everybody else.

    “They discount the idea of this woman being a new creation in Christ out of hand, and their comments reflect that.”

    Yeah. I get the feeling that they still want her to be a object for porn, not a new creation throwing off the shackles of this world. In way they see Chrissy cheating on them. Not doing porn anymore means that she has new loyalties.

    “I’m not sure you’re right about a woman’s role in the porn industry being typical of what the sexual revolution of the last century tried to gain for women.”

    I don’t think it’s typical. But it has made certain behaviors more mainstream and these things don’t seem to be good.

  5. Menno roundup: The quiet of the land live up to their name Says:

    […] more qualified to talk about women’s sexuality then men?  […]

  6. Skylark Says:

    I must be lucky. My boyfriend has seen porn perhaps two or three times in his life, and he said it never interested him. Real-life women, were, of course, different. Can’t say the same for me and porn, but we won’t go there.

    I echo what Luke said about sexuality in feminism. It’s about giving people real choices and options to do what is best for them, not what someone else is demanding.

  7. Amy Says:

    I have really appreciated this discussion and will be forwarding it to a young man in the youth group I pastor. We have had an ongoing discussion about porn in which he maintains that it’s harmless and that if he’s not allowed to have sex before he’s married he should have an outlet. I think it’s good to hear from men who have other opinions. Any other comments for teens who might be listening in?? Thanks.

  8. Melissa Green Says:

    When I discovered porn on my son’s computer, I assured him that his curiosity about the female body as 100% normal. But, there is nothing harmless about pornography. It objectifies and demeans women. Depending on the kind of porn he looks at he could develop deviant desires toward women.

    Also, ask him how he would like someone looking at his mother and sisters the way he looks at those women in porn?

  9. Dylan Says:

    …i would be said individual that Amy spoke of.
    And I’d like to start by saying that Pornography isn’t 100% harmless. However, the amount of harm that it does isn’t necessarily permanent, and varies based on the maturity level of the viewer and their already established relationships with women and such. I can only speak for me personally, and I still feel that, for the most part, I haven’t noticed any significant changes in my opinions of women, my interactions with women, and my relationships with women. Just because I’ve viewed pornography far more than anyone ever should does not mean that when I see a woman I think “oh hey, she’s going to want to have sex with me because that’s what women do.”
    Don’t get me wrong, I feel terribly sorry for Chrissy here. She has gone through a rough period in her life, and her former viewers are not respecting the fact that she was able to make it out of the adult film industry and is pursuing her life in Christ.
    Yes, If I knew someone was looking at my sister or mother or another woman I was close to like that, I wouldn’t be too happy. But I don’t think that has anything to do with porn. Straight males are naturally attracted to the bodies of females.

  10. Melissa Green Says:

    Straight males are naturally attracted to the bodies of females.>>>>

    And pornography is a perversion of that.

  11. somasoul Says:

    Hey Dylan,

    Thanks for your honesty. First, I want to say I’m not picking on you. Guys all over, from all different religions and backgrounds look at porn.

    As a capitalist I want to say that if a woman takes off her clothes for a feee and agrees to being looked at and if we are willing to pay her asking price then I’m fine with it. But……….

    While you may think that porn affects you minimally I would say that porn affects our society in a very negative way. Everytime we purchase porn, every time we look at porn, we give our okay on the product, the lifestyle, the companies, and the personal views of the people who operate this business. We live in a society which objectifies women’s bodies. I have to say I am disturbed by this trend. As I’ve gotten older this fact has become clearer to me (I’m 28).

    The Porn “Community” objectifies women on a dangeruos level. It rewards them for being “whores” and, like Chrissy, disavows them for leaving the lifestyle. Look at the way these men have treated Chrissy and tell me that long years of being porn purveyors hasn’t affected them. Look at Chrissy and all she has overcome and tell me she hasn’t been affected by this vile business.

    We’ve thought that this stuff is normal and acceptable and the industry has no more shame associated it with. This shit is bad, man. It’s really bad.

  12. Dylan Says:

    Okay. Well. You’re right there. The stuff ain’t good. That’s for sure. For me personally, it can be hard to describe why it’s not good. I guess for me I’ve had trouble seeing completely eye to eye with the whole “objectifying women” thing. I’m not saying that’s not a valid point, I just don’t really understand what people are talking about. For me, porn was a depiction of sexual relations, in various forms. Now, bear in mind these sexual relations should not be construed as love, or taken into a marriage or anything. And yes, there are some depictions that are terribly bad and use different scenarios and fantasies and such that’s just really despicable.
    And while pornography is a perversion of physical attraction, I’m not sure that it directly affects us on a day to day basis.

  13. SteveK Says:

    Somasoul, I think you’re dead wrong.

    In your “topic” list, you put “dumb stuff” as well as other topics– and porn isn’t dumb at all.

    It is deadly.

    I was exposed to it at 12 and it changed my sexuality for the worse for the rest of my life. The man who showed me this shit was thinking he was doing me a favor. But instead he hurt my future sexuality, by establishing sexual patterns and expectations that would be destructive for my future spouse and I and took years to overcome. In some ways, I am still overcoming it.

    Not only that, as Prism Magazine recently pointed out, in the modern day, porn is intimately linked to sex slaves and prostitutes. No matter what they claim in porn sites, pornogrphy is simply glorified prostitution, and often glorified sex slavery, with the ones paying for the act to be performed are thousands of miles away from the acts they pay for.

    Next time anyone pays for porn, he needs to remember that he is paying for a prostitute and possibly perpetuating slavery.

    One last comment on the sexual revolution: We need to remember that the revolution wasn’t only for women. Yes, there was a lot of freedom for women to do as they please, sexually and certainly there is much more opportunity for a woman to express her sexual needs that there never was before.

    But for many men, the sexual revolution was just a new lever to get more sex and to be able to openly speak about their “needs”. For women, the sexual revolution was freedom. For many men, it was slavery to their own desires and addictions.

    Steve K

  14. folknotions Says:

    I was 7 years old when a neighbor’s son thought it appropriate to show me his Dad’s porno mags. I just wanted to play Super Mario Bros.

    Images of pornography haunted my psyche for years. I think the images have left but there is much I have to do to feel better once again about my relationship to my sexuality.

    Pornography, I feel, is not something that is empowering for anyone. It spiritually disempowers those who make it and those who watch it.

    Being celibate for a while now has made me feel much more at peace with my sexual identity.

    Apparently there was a book recently written on this subject that I have wanted to check out for a while by a sociologist who also wrote a book on white privilege. It’s called Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity

  15. Chris Richards Says:

    My feelings on this issue are tremendously complicated.

    First, I will be entirely honest and come entirely clean. I personally like porn. So does my partner. It is something we do together on occasion as part of our sexual activity.

    At the same time, I believe that one of the greats problems of today’s society is tremendous social immaturity about how one’s own actions and decisions affect one’s self and others. I believe that, as a result of this growing trend (which I think is based on many ways in which modern society has removed people from the consequences of their actions… here I am speaking less of personal sin, even, than of many of the effects of capitalism unfettered by moral restraint from inside or from without) pornography IS incredibly dangerous. For those who live so irresponsibly, however, /everything/ is dangerous. Even things far less sinful than pornography.

    In some cultures (including some corners of so-called-Christian American culture) marriage itself is an act of ownership of a woman and a form of prostitution and slavery no less objectionable than pornography. Yet marriage is taken to be a sacrament. I personally believe marriage to be of great personal and social importance and core to the development of the family. Yet it too can be perverted.

    I want to apologize for my poor mastery of links, I use a blog that allows me insert links in my own postings without mastery of HTML.

    The following is about prostitution and not pornography, and the moral question is ignored in favor of questions of personal liberty and free choice. However, I think certain aspects of personal liberty and free choice are themselves a moral question if we accept the doctrine of free will.

    http://www.wendymcelroy.com/e107_plugins/content/content.php?content.160

  16. Tim B Says:

    It has occured to me that I never posted a link to said movie. Earlier I said the movie was based off Chrissy life, this was incorrect. It is actually a modern day interpretation of Hosea.

    http://www.oversoldthemovie.com/

    Christianity Today and other notable Christian publications have written about the movie and done interviews with the cast and crew, including my ex-pastor and church planter, Dave Cowan.

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